Crazy in Love

20 Surefire Relationship Wreckers

If you've seen the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, then you've seen Kate Hudson do pretty much everything she can to squelch Matthew McConaughey's interest in her in record time. (Crazy, we know, but that's Hollywood for you.) While this chick flick parodies some pretty scary female behavior, we've got to admit that many of us are probably guilty of freaking a guy out in much the same way ‑- without even meaning to. All of this begs the question: Why is it that we find it tough to lose a guy who we're dying to get rid of, but it's so easy to lose a guy who we'll do anything to hang on to?

According to E. Jean Carroll, author of Mr. Right, Right Now, do these 20 things and you are sure to lose a man. Just think of this as a little behavioral wake-up call (it's okay, you can thank us later):

1. Always end arguments by turning some deeply private secret he's confided to you... against him. Then add, "Screw you, you slobbering half-wit!"

2. Beg him to read your journal.

3. You know you shouldn't call him too much, so say to yourself, "I'm an adult. He's an adult. I refuse to play stupid games."

4. Call him repeatedly.

5. If he doesn't call back, email him. If he doesn't return your email, fax him a funny little joke. If he still doesn't call, drop by his office and surprise him with a "cute" card. If he's not at his office, drive to his house, wait for him at his front door and, when he arrives, tell him he can do anything he wants with you.

6. Ask him once a week, "So, where do we stand?"

7. Or, if you prefer a more dramatic scrotum-tightener, ask, "So where do we stand as a couple?"

8. Rarely wear high heels to bed.

9. Be the first woman in recorded history to actually tell a man exactly how many chaps she's slept with.

10. Fixate on the future. Focus on his taking you to the Bahamas for Valentine's Day.

11. Always cry after sex.

12. Criticize his mother.

13. Do you own a pair of baggy maroon sweatpants? Wear them.

14. Is he feeling a tad overwhelmed by the serious turn your affair is taking? Surprise him with loads of expensive gifts for no reason.

15. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag.

16. Giggle at his receding hairline.

17. Tell him oral sex makes you gag. Except when he does it.

18. Don't let him miss you (i.e., spend every blessed moment with/near/on/under/over him ‑- particularly those blessed moments when you feel bloated and paranoid).

19. Never have your wallet with you.

20. Let him know that every day is Judgment Day as far as you and he are concerned and that you'd rather be right than happy.